THE NAM part one

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Part One
On another note first couple days in Vietnam have been amazing. We went to our family’s hometown way down south called Bac Lieu. Below is the building out family used to live in before the government took it away. It is a Honda dealership now
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Our family friends own like half the town and we have been pampered like little disney princes and princesses. We had this fruit that was reserved especially for Kings. it tastes like an incredibly creamy apple, and apparently it is impossible to grow(as in they were only able to grow 12 this year). It doesn’t have an english name oops. This is probably the only time in my life that I will have get to have such a fruit.
Durian here is amazing. Usually in the US they ship it over frozen. But the fruit is especially pungent and creamy here. Before there was custard…. the was Durian. Before there was ice cream…. there was refrigerated Durian.
Wait! Wait! Before I keep talking about delicious exotic fruits…. I just thought of a list of milestones one must meet before he or she is considered to have  achieved fluency in a language.
1. Expressing Sarcasm
2. Making jokes
3. Singing songs
4. Dirty Talk
5. Complaining about your government
I don’t know why I felt compelled to share that, I just had to. Okay moving on. We had some dragonfruit here. And it was incredibly sweet. I always used to think it was incredibly mild and bland. But the ones I had in Bac Lieu were almost sugary.
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We also went a Longan Plantation. I were only there for about 20 minutes, but I must have stuffed at least a 100 longan’s in my mouth by the end of this. I have perfected my longan peeling technique and speed increasing my peeling speed by 50% (level up!), such that I can open two at once( one in each hand). I am convinced that if I spend enough time here I can peel 4 at once.
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Aside from fruit. We got to tour a shrimp factory in Vietnam, my aunt’s friend Thomas told his business partner I was here to inspect their operations. So I had to prepare my self to go all FDA Cowspiracist and bust them for bad behavior in the factory. Unfortunately there was nothing substantial. I did happen to see MASSIVE blocks of ice. I wish I could have one of them to push down a hill. and see how fast it can go before it crashes into a car. I am pretty sure I could fit into the ice block. IDEA!!! I should make a mold of myself and freeze an ice block around it for whenever I have full body rashes ( not that I get them… but just in case)
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The craziest thing that happened so far was having dinner with the Shrimp Tycoons for Bac Lieu. These were all Thomas’s business partners and they had some serious pull in Bac Lieu. One guy’s little brick phone ( all it could do was text and call) Was worth 80,000 USD! Mostly because it was solid gold and diamond studded. It was so heavy you could knock Chuck Lidell out with it. It makes me wonder how much his iPhone is worth….
During dinner, we drank a lot. Apparently the Vietnamese are really good at drinking smoking and gambling. Apparently you can just say cheers to whenever, for no reason at ill except that you want to get people to drink. We had some REALLY good liquor. We finished a bottle of Hennessy, but then we had a bottle of 21 year old scotch!
Think about it. This is what this scotch was old enough to do….
Be of legal age to drink itself.
This scotch was old enough to get a cranberry vodka pregnant in a drunken stupor and accidentally make babies.
 It was old enough enlist in the military
It is old enough to smoke cigarettes
it is old enough to drive
The scotch is old enough to work as a bartender and serve itself to distinguished gentlemen in the middle and upper classes
Also, food.
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